Chasing dreams

Have you ever been happy without any reason? You are just in a good mood. To an extent that you feel good even when you are missing someone. All the bad things happening to you or around you don't really seem significant. All the good things feel normal. It's like reaching in a space where things are just the way they should be. Nothing else matters. You can reach there after you have found what you were looking for.

Funny thing is, what you look for keeps changing. Today you desire something, tomorrow something else. It can be a person, or a goal, or a state of mind - it can be anything. Some people call it destination, some desire, some dream, some purpose; but almost all of us live for it. Imagine how life would be without any purpose? You wake up for nothing, work for nothing, survive for nothing.

How amazing it is that we live to stay alive. Ultimately that's the purpose for the most. Some end their life when they realise that they do not have any reason or purpose to live. I think they are the bravest of all. I cannot tolerate even a small cut on myself, forget suicide. But I'm not scared of dying either.

As usual many conversations happen every day that make you introspect. At my age, when most my friends are busy changing the nappies of their children, the rest of us talk about how things have changed. How we loathe facebook feed these days because of the perfect picture friends try to create through photographs. But they are not happy. They still seek happiness in other things, one of them being sharing pictures. Of various trips, and celebrations. Moods and people they socialise with. 

I post pictures too, but I don't remember the last time I uploaded an album of a particular event. I have done that in the past. Due to peer pressure. People I travelled with used to remind me every second day whether I had uploaded the pictures or not. Whether I had tagged them or not. After uploading those pictures, first three days used to go in replying to comments of those tagged in the pictures. We discussed where, how and when we got that picture clicked. We relived those moments again. And we discussed about these comment threads when we met. 

Now everyone knows I don't upload albums. I dump all the pictures in a picasa album and share the link with those present in those pictures. They download the pictures and treat them the way they want to. Life feels better that way. Do I feel jealous of those having an awesome album life? Maybe, or maybe not. But nothing in my life changes by uploading or not uploading an album. I am happy or not happy - I know that. I don't have anything against album uploaders. They are awesome. I just cannot be as awesome.

These days I have a new addiction - Instagram. I like to share pictures there. It's a kind of picture blog for me. I don't have mind blowing clicks there, but each one has a story. Just like this blog, it's a record of events. And memories. 

I haven't changed, I realised. So many major things keep happening in life. Some life changing moments take place. But somewhere you still remain there. The same person. When you are at certain places. Like this blog. The header, the content, the flow - nothing has any relevance whatsoever. But still it feels good to write. And it reads superb to me. Just like a hit blog post. Something that looks good on this space. I'm sure it will remain that way even in the future.

Silence after the storm

There is silence after the storm too. And that's exactly what my blog is experiencing right now. Last week one post went viral on the internet. That resulted into a lot of page views, comments, followers and e-mails. Sadly this came at the wrong time, when I was really busy. Nevertheless, I did read all the comments, replied to a few mails. And like everything else, this too died down. Now the blog is back to normal. Well almost.

I'm was in Delhi last week, enjoying the summers there. It's just so hot and sunny all the time that you feel like staying outdoors. No really. After experiencing Bombay monsoon, any other season is a good season. Flight passed through the storm which was not too bad. After spending two whole days in floods kind of a situation and not so smooth flight, sunlight was a huge relief.

During my stay there, my timeline had some 'Rains in Delhi' updates. Erm, it was just drizzling, but well just like how we Bombay people exaggerate our so called winters, Delhi people talk about monsoon. One thing is there, the more I visit the city, the more I like it. Though I'm scared all the time when I step out. I prefer to roam around in cabs/car, which I wouldn't do if I'm in Bombay. I travel alone at 1 am here, which I cannot even dream of doing there. 

But still there is something about the city that makes you like it. Maybe it's the wide roads, or lush green surroundings, or probably the lack of numerous skyscrapers - it's a good city despite of having some flaws, like any other place. It's amusing how drivers drive on the wrong side of the road just to avoid taking a long ride for the next U turn and nobody bothers to stop them, how people overtake without bothering about their vehicle or life, still it accepts you like you belong there.

And yet it doesn't entirely feel home. I have plenty of friends there, but I feel lonely after a couple of days. Maybe because I'm not familiar with the city, or maybe because I don't feel secure there; it just doesn't feel like the kind of city I can live in. But it's definitely a city I can stay in after Bombay and probably Pune.

I ask this question to myself a lot of time - where do I really want to settle down? I was brought up in a small town before shifting to Bombay. I wasn't a fan of a slow small town life, but at that time I hated Bombay whenever I visited it. It was way too crowded. And noisy. Then I shifted here. All alone. And the city accepted me as if I always belonged there. It taught me its way of living, its roads and directions, its good and bad parts - everything.

I have seen and lived life here. The city knows me, but I'm yet to know it completely. It will take me lifetime to get to know it, and still it will not be enough. And I'm glad about it.

PS: As always, ignore the header.

Life and Travel

Last month was spent travelling. I explored some new places within India - the places I had never imagined to be this beautiful. And untouched. Probably that's why they were so beautiful. You are travelling on random roads. You just take an unknown turn and keep going. There is no mobile network, awesome music is playing, it drizzles on and off, you pass by small villages, see local people going about their business, they wave at you when you pass by, or just find a small hill and sit there for hours, wishing that the time would stop right there.

These places were far far away from the main city. Or even the market. There was nothing available for about 30 to 40 kms from these towns. Wonder how these people would be surviving every day, for there is nothing around them. Not even a proper mode of transport - public or otherwise. Just their huts, a few people and empty land. It looked beautiful as it's monsoon, but I doubt that it would be as pretty during other seasons too. It would be brown and dead looking. You have 2-3 huts every at the distance of every five kms. But it was still like the best the life one could expect. So simple and so peaceful.

I was almost jealous of them. Almost. It would be amazing to have such a disconnected life. Forget mobile phones, they don't even have electricity in most of the houses. You live amidst the hills, water streams (at least during monsoons) and lush green surroundings. Things you call luxuries won't be available or for that matter required there. You have to walk mile/s just to reach home from the main road - a single lane road.

After seeing such a life, and those simple faces, it takes some time to come back to your normal life and be happy. Forget the life, even those trips were priceless. You neither want the journey to end, nor want the season to change nor want to come back to this life. It's as if you are in a different world altogether. It's like being transported to some other world, and yet it's real.

I didn't want to come back to be honest, but still I had to. Now the normal life has started. The same old routine. And some major changes are waiting to take place. Or maybe nothing will change. It will just pass. Just like everything else.