Storyteller

All of us know at least one such person who while narrating an incident talks about every single thing related to it. And makes even the most interesting episode dragging and boring. The person is usually in 'avoid as much as possible' list. I was one such kid. When I used to narrate something, I would talk about everything useless too. I preferred to provide the entire information no matter how redundant it was. People started avoiding asking questions to me and school started giving me prizes for my achievements. Not all was lost.

This reaction had its positive as well as negative effects. Negative effect was that by the time I became a bit sensible, I had become introvert. I rarely spoke with anyone, even at school. I went to school, attended tuitions, came home and shut myself in my room. I did nothing productive, made no new friends. I got along better with people who were older than me by at least 5 years. I started loathing the place I was living in. I wanted to move out asap, to a different city so that nobody from that circle could follow me. And I could start afresh. From a boring school girl to someone everyone wants to be friends with.

I shifted to Bombay. I was again very much introvert, conscious and hesitant initially. My wardrobe consisted of old fashioned clothes that nobody wore here. My English was not as fluent, as in my town, we communicated in Gujarati and at times Hindi. I was a hostelite, and most of the college people around me belonged to wealthy families. They travelled in their cars, ate in fancy restaurants, partied in posh pubs and lounges where if I go with them once, my half monthly pocket money would be gone. I could again see myself in the same situation. I was on the verge of going back to my old self.

But I decided to change this. I learnt to speak in fluent English. Since I knew the language well and grammar and vocabulary base was pretty strong, all I needed was a bit of practice and confidence. I started writing dramas for college, started a site on tripod to write down my thoughts which I got to know much later that it was nothing but blogging. My blog was about incidences. I wrote anecdotes, read them myself, started filtering information and I was ready. Ready to face the world with my new personality. The same stories for which I was made fun of became the source of entertainment for people. I now knew exactly what information to share and what to discard, where to change the pitch and where to take a pause. I was occasionally funny too, but mostly entertaining. I made friends, lots of them, who are still in touch with me.

Thus was born a storyteller. Who learnt the tricks of the trade hard way. Who later on told people that it's okay to crib, rant and tell stories. But make sure even the most boring things can be told in the most interesting manner. And it was not difficult. If a small town nobody could do it, anyone else could. 

Now my life is full of stories. I can create a story even from a very mundane situation. It comes naturally to me. I can talk to anyone about anything for any duration. And I am mostly interesting. And funny too if I like you. This helps me in teaching too. Students think that I am a very good teacher and they look forward to my lectures. Stories help. Always. Learn to be an interesting storyteller. It can take you places. It can save you from awkward situations and silences. And you are loved by everyone. 

Sadly, this also gets you a lot of attention. But the best part is, you can go back to being the boring storyteller. That's the real you. And that's what you will always remain at heart. A boring storyteller who is good at fooling people.

Blackjack

Isn’t it a game where I am the dealer? We play blackjack. I keep losing some money in each round. It’s a small amount, I can afford it. But when I win, I win big. I recover the amount 4 times higher than what I had lost.

Aren’t we like this too? I lose each time you tell a lie; but when I win, I gain a lot more. The worst thing is that the win doesn’t have you.

I lose the most when I win..

Time. Changes.

Time flies. Another year is about to get over. 90s got over some 14 years ago, and that itself sounds scary. These days kids learn to operate mobiles and ipads even before they learn to say their name. I was brought up in a small town where cordless phone was also considered a fancy technology in those days. We had to go to big cities like Bombay to get certain toys, or fancy branded clothes and stationery. Now you just have to order it online and it gets delivered at your doorstep. I don't even think office people use stationery much anymore. 

There was this landline era that amazed you. How easy it was to connect with people staying miles apart. Or talking to someone staying next door without meeting or shouting at the top of your voice. Or giving blank calls when his father picks up the call, making a girl call you as boys' calls are not allowed at your place. One ring means come down to play - I have been through everything. After growing up, I asked my parents if they didn't trust me as a child, they said that they did trust me, but they were just protective about me. Eventually they allowed everything they had put restrictions on back then. So yes, it was not about trust after all.

And clothes. I used to visit Bombay when I was in school. I used to see girls roaming around in shorts without any inhibition. In a small town, if you step out in a knee length dress, people will stare at you as if you are roaming around naked. Now with time, things have changed there as well. I have seen the time where daughters in law were not allowed to wear even salwar suit, and now some of them manage family business too.

Times have indeed changed. People are becoming more and more independent by being dependent on the technology. There is solution available on internet for every damn thing. Relationships are becoming more and more fragile. Distance keeps increasing between people. We take along portable gadgets to remain in touch with people instead of taking the pain of taking out time to meet them. Sms, phone calls, voice notes, blocking them, flirting with five people at a time, everything is connected with some social life of that person, it's a trend to be there on at least three different social networking sites, or messengers. You are easily reachable, but never available.

After facebook, how many people have you called and wished on their birthday? Instead of keeping in touch with them regularly, we use this to avoid them as much as possible. We stalk them just so that we remain secure about their commitment towards us. We want to foresee the heartbreak. We fight if one girl likes his every second post. I think I should deactivate all my social networking site accounts too the day I decide to settle down. I am that scared.

Girls get into depression if they don't get many likes on their pictures. Yes, I recently read about this. It was so called facebook addiction. And whatsapp addiction. "Last seen at" killed many relationships. We stopped using technology for good. We started abusing it. And misusing it. 

I don't know where did this post start from and where is it ending. I am writing after a long time. I have been trying to write something for quite some time, but couldn't come up with anything worth reading. I discarded at least five drafts before starting this one. I feel sad. I miss the old time. But I am happy too. I can avoid people easily. But do I really want this? Am I really out of place in this fast moving world? Changing oneself with time is a good thing, but what if it involves killing your true self completely? Am I ready for such a change? Is it worth doing so? 

Life. And many unanswered questions. And many unchallenged answers.

Clothes shrink

I was always proud of one superpower I was blessed with - high metabolism. I could hog like a pig and not even put on 200 grms. Whenever there was a stress phase, I would reduce weight, going from skinny to very skinny self. And it felt fine. I was comfortable in my skin. Almost every damn dress fit me. My size was easily available. And there would be quite a few like me as XS size in case of dresses and S for t-shirts was there for almost every label.

Whenever I met people, their first reaction was - gosh you are so thin! Some even envied me. But most thought I never got any food. They never considered the possibility that I might be having a small appetite. "Khaana nahi milta hai kya?" was a statement that would look good if it was followed by a slap as my reply. But you kind of get used to it. Everyone tells you the same thing. In almost the same tone and manner. As if your parents hate you so much that they starve you.

But the best thing of that frame was - it always remained constant. A bit of weight here and there never changed my clothes size as it was always one-two kgs difference. I could fit into a dress I bought a decade ago without any efforts. Ah it's surely a blessing for someone who hates shopping. And it feels awesome too to wear older and more comfortable clothes. And you always have a lot of clothes. Imagine the situation where you don't have that "I don't have anything to wear" scene playing in your mind ever.

No matter what people call you - malnourished, skinny, hanger - you feel content as you are comfortable with your body. You have more stamina to do every damn thing than them, you fall ill less frequently than them, all your reports are normal, you hog more than they do, eat all the desserts-chocolates-creams-cheese without thinking about the calories part, you never have to hit the gym to reduce weight or the tummy flab you have just because you ate that one extra slice of pizza every time.

Yes, I flaunted all these things. I hogged like a pig every time I went out or had something tasty to eat and didn't feel sorry after eating. I never checked weighing scale after having a five course meal. And then the curse of those thousands of people hit me. I started putting on weight. My diet remained the same, my routine was the same too, but weight - no. The old clothes I was so fond of started shrinking. The denims became tight, the dresses lost its fitting too automatically. Suddenly you had a few loose clothes that would fit you. You came down to 20 clothes from 200. "I don't have anything to wear" nightmare became real. 

Thankfully I haven't become fat. I am still thin, but I am no longer skinny. After meeting me for the first time or seeing me after a span of six months, nobody says that I don't get anything to eat or I have reduced weight. I look taller than average Indian girls and too short in front of most of the guys I know. Those sexy dresses don't fit me any longer, but I am not buying any either as I am at a weird size stage. I am just complaining about the tummy flab. But that's kind of okay too. I have bought some new clothes, and plan to buy some more. I am not sure whether to discard the old ones or not. See! Life is all about confusions. Or life is confusing. Confusing! 

I still believe that one must not judge people by their physical appearance, or the kind of clothes they wear. It's their choice. If someone is 40 kgs or 140 - if it doesn't affect your life, you should reserve your comments to yourself. I have personally known really fat people and they have suffered from depression due to their weight. They need to be fit; not ill.

I have not only mastered the art of digressing from the main topic, but even to make a light post serious. So yes, clothes shrink. More than 100 clothes cannot be wrong at the same time. They all shrink together.

Being a Criminal Lawyer

This is a long post. But an interesting one as usual. Read it or continue living in the biased shell you have created - the choice is yours.

Way too many high profile cases have been coming into limelight these days. The crime ratio has certainly gone up, but it wasn't non-existent earlier. It might have been at par with the current time too. I am too lazy to find out these facts, compare data etc., but it's a plain common sense - population has increased, we are technologically more advanced, more powerful and rich.

But the most important aspect of these stories becoming more and more popular is that there are 20+ news channels now that run 24x7. There are more newspapers and magazines - print media as well as online media. Everything runs round the clock. Even before the criminal wipes his fingerprints from the gun, he is live on TV, or you are reading 1000 tweets a second about the crime that he committed. Every single thing becomes breaking news. Every shit news is repeated a hundred times, to an extent that you even remember when exactly the news reader takes a pause while talking.

Delhi Rape case judgment was a very recent thing that caught media attention. Out of six accused, one committed suicide (or murdered is still a mystery), the Juvenile got three years of imprisonment and remaining four were awarded capital punishment. But more than the result, what caught media's attention was their lawyer AP Singh's arguments. In the courtroom, he made statements like "If my daughter was having premarital sex and moving around at night with her boyfriend, I would have burnt her alive. I would not have let this situation happen. All parents should adopt such an attitude." 

Second incident was that of a very popular lawyer who is loved and admired by most of the lawyers I know - Ram Jethmalani. He recently took up Aasaram's case who is accused of sexual assault on a minor girl. While arguing for Aasaram's bail plea in the court, he said that the girl in question was mentally unstable and needed to go to men for that purpose. 

As a normal person when I read these statements, I feel like slapping these lawyers for this. I want to punish them as well along with the accused. How can they be so insensitive about such grave issues? How can they say things like - the girl is at fault, or she should be careful and guard her own safety, her parents should be more cautious and so on. 

Now think from these lawyers' point of view. When we get our degrees, we go to Bar Council of India to register ourselves as lawyers. There, we take an oath to defend our clients when we take up their case. We can lie in the court in order to defend them, we are not supposed to hand over the evidence that goes against our clients, and we cannot be punished for these things. The logic is that every person has a right to defend oneself. They have a right to appoint a lawyer to do so on their behalf since a lawyer has better experience and expertise in legal matters.

There are criminals like terrorists, rapists, murderers - some of them become too popular due to the gruesome nature of the crime they have committed. Everyone knows they are guilty of that crime. There are plenty of eyewitnesses, evidences against them. You would think that none of the lawyers will take up their case as they do not want to lose. You look at the whole situation from right and wrong perspective. For you, they are criminals and must be punished. In some cases they shouldn't even be given a trial. But these are all sentimental views.

Look at it from a lawyer's point of view now. You have a high profile case in front of you. A terrorist caught in action, rapists of the most popular case, one religious guru who is popular internationally. If not you, then court will appoint someone as their lawyer to defend them. Media keeps a track of each and every detail of these cases.

Now imagine, you are a small time lawyer. Not very popular. Legal practice is your bread and butter. You are not going to be punished for calling a criminal innocent even if there are 100 witnesses. Your statements get quoted in each and every newspaper and news channel. Your interview is telecast after each hearing. People know your name, your face. They may hate you, but they now know you. You are merely doing your job, and becoming a known face while doing so. What's wrong with that? For lawyers, it's their profession. We care a damn if one has committed one murder or ten murders. We have to choose one side - defend the criminal or don't take up the case. Starve, be unsuccessful, run behind people and make affidavits so that you can make 1000 Rs. at the end of the day. Yes, people do that too. And some have managed to buy a house too in Bombay by running behind people outside courts. But does everyone prefer such a life?

Yes, AP Singh got carried away. He made an insensitive statement in the court. He had to defend his clients. Even though they were guilty. He had to try his best. He was under an oath to do so. Just for some time, forget the gruesome nature of Jyoti Pandey case. If you are an 80's kid, or born even before that, ask your parents about safety and security. 90% of them are of the opinion that one has to be careful about one's own safety. They do believe that one should be home by so and so time. That's how they have been brought up. That's the kind of life they lived. AP Singh got carried away which was a huge mistake, but he just put forward his argument. Had it not been for media, nobody would have paid any attention to his statements. How many of you have read the entire judgment of any case anyway? Some of you may have, but majority of you rely on the summary published by news media.

Now look at Ram Jethmalani. He is very popular. Can you imagine his fees? Can you imagine how much he would be charging per hearing, per appearance, per consultancy? If he doesn't represent such high profile accused, he will have to sit at home, jobless. Again, his arguments were silly, but how can you be sure that he never used them before or they didn't work for him before? Same goes with AP Singh too. They are a part of some popular case, thus their statements are attracting attention from everywhere. They may be the most insensitive bunch of people you have had come across, but they are there for a reason, and that reason is good enough for them. They don't really care about what you think about them. 

They say that lawyers are heartless. If all the lawyers start taking care of their hearts, half the population will die of hunger. There are so many lawyers who never take up cases where they know that the accused is guilty of the crime. They are strict about the kind of cases they take up. All of us have our own principles. And we work accordingly.

I believe, when you have decided to practice a particular profession, you shouldn't worry about what others think of the kind of work you take up so far as you are doing what you are supposed to do. If a criminal is shot, a doctor still tries to save his life like any other patient. Same goes for a lawyer too. You do not demand to prosecute an action against the doctor, then why the lawyer? I have certain principles too. They are decided by me. And I abide by them. I do not break my own rules I have set for any amount of money. No, they are not purely on morality grounds. I am a heartless lawyer too. But I do not take up litigation. Court practice is not my cup of tea. I enjoy the power position. I like to take my own decisions. I do not like to rely on the judgment announced by someone superior. I do not like to be on the losing side. I prefer to be on the side where I decide what's right for you and why you should be doing a particular thing the way I want you to. I have studied and learnt everything for a reason. You are asking me because there are some things I am better at than you. 

Don't ever ridicule a professional. Try to understand their stand. They are doing their job. Just like you. They are inhuman so that they can save you when you need to be saved. They don't have a heart so that they can give you a right solution without wasting your or their time. Their clear mind helps them take the right decision and give the right advice. Trust them, don't abuse them. In some cases, to a great extent, your life depends on them.

PS: I do not give legal advice for free.

Narcissism theory

I have always attracted narcissists - friends, acquaintances, enemies, lovers - most of the people falling in these categories whom I have gotten really close to have been narcissists. I have grown up listening to their stories about how great they have been, how the world revolves around them and runs just because of them. Somehow the other type doesn't make to my close circle. 

I can deal with narcissists easily. I have dealt with way too many of them. You just need to feed their ego continuously, and that's it. They are pretty simple after that. Rub them the wrong way and you are dealing with the most difficult specie on this earth. My success ratio has been almost perfect so far. Very very rarely I have felt difficulties dealing with them. They behave almost normally with me. Listen to me too. And feed my ego too. Ah, did I mention that I'm a narcissist too?

Let me not talk about myself for a change, and trust me it's very difficult not to do so. I am going to talk about a few narcissists I have met so far, none of the names will be disclosed of course. I don't want to see them lose the defamation case against me. They were (Some still are, and I talk to them even now) once really important to me. I cannot be so mean to them.

The biggest narcissist (that's like using two superlatives together) I have ever been with actually suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). I don't think he is even aware about this. He knows he is a narcissist, but that's about it. The problem with narcissists is that they do not realise when they cross that thin line of being everything and being everything + proving others being nothing whatsoever. They make you cry for hurting their ego without even touching you. They make you admit that you were wrong about how they are not so good at a particular thing. They keep reminding you about this all their lives. They want to hear you apologise for this every single time you are even close to displease them or do something they do not approve of. This guy never tried to prove that I was nothing. He fell for me because I was smart or intelligent or whatever fancy term you want to give. 

Another one whose narcissism was all about proving how pathetic I am. Don't pity me because of this. I survived even there. That's the best thing about narcissists. They think they can face and win everything. Eventually when my normal mind stopped accepting the crap I fed it about fighting and surviving, and started feeding the crap about fighting and surviving without taking the shit, I left him. That's another quality that we possess. The moment we realise that something is not going to work out, we leave that thing before it leaves us. We want to walk out of it with our head held high.

Another one was actually a very nice guy. His narcissism was again the extreme one, but he was still quite bearable. He had this personality for quite a few years and had learnt to control his emotions and reactions to things and situations. He has been the perfect narcissist I have met so far. It's important to have a control over yourself if you really want the world to feed your ego. He learnt it quickly. Or maybe he chose to become a narcissist. I believe philosophy plays a very important role in converting people. Not many are born narcissists, or they have become one subconsciously. Some get converted into one too. After some bitter life experiences. Or after reading books. Who wouldn't want one's ego fed by others?

I can write about a few more people, but they would have similar personalities like the ones mentioned above. Some of the traits would be different, but they are quite insignificant. These people were a very important part of my life at different stages. But like everything else, they left. Or I left them. Whatever suits you. And they all have been amazing in their respective ways. A bit less amazing than me obviously, but good enough to be with me.

Phew! Writing about others takes more efforts than writing my own thoughts.

PS: Couldn't think of a good enough header, as usual.

Some books are home

"After reading a book, you start looking at people differently."

Someone great quoted this some days ago. And it made so much sense not only to her but to everyone who read it. It's amazing how we can connect to some things so perfectly. Especially literature - books, blogs, quotes. You pick up a book, start reading it, start imagining the lead character as you, start observing small things or behave in a particular manner like people do in that book, things which were meaningless so far become a subject of deep introspection.

It happens with me a lot of times. I read books quite slowly. While reading, I usually get lost in the book. Midway I stop reading and start thinking as to what inspired the writer to write it that manner. Does he know anyone who is like this person in his novel? Had I been in his place, how I'd have written about that particular situation? And I end up spending days behind a book that can easily be finished in 2-3 days.

I do not call myself an avid, or to give it a more respectful term, voracious reader. I read a lot, but I am not a fan of what they call good literature. I enjoy reading trash fiction as much as I prefer to read an almost perfect piece of literature. Again quoting the same great person, "A bad book takes an equal amount of time to write." It's easy to diss anything, difficult is to write something, forget being good.

I have read different kinds of books - mostly fiction. Non-fiction never really fascinated me so much. I like to read about characters. The author who can write about his characters more than the story, I would blindly fall in love with him no matter how mediocre he or she would be. When I was young, people considered Ayn Rand to be the most amazing author. Today she is ridiculed so much everywhere. But to me, she still remains the most amazing writer. The way she defined her characters, I am yet to see anyone else with the same kind of powers to write about people.

Recently I read a couple of books which were like diary entries or about personal stories. According to me, to write about your personal experience and thoughts in an interesting manner and make that interesting requires special kind of talent. The most amazing thing was that I was continuously thinking about my blog while reading those books, how they have written in the similar manner. I don't write too well, but I can relate to them. How they can write the same thing in a novel material manner.

And while reading those books, I felt as if I was reading me. About me. By me. And still it was different. A kind of world that would exist in a parallel universe. Those books felt like home. My comfort space. Like a loose tshirt or a faded jacket, like a paijama that can barely hide your ankles but still feels perfect. You live with them while reading them, you miss them while reading something else, just how you compare other books to that one book. It's unfair to other books, but it's difficult not to draw parallels with your favourite one. I become almost human in this regards.

I used to keep each and every book that I read. I never returned them or gave them away. I did share my books with people who respected books, but not with everyone else. Many people never returned them after reading, many lost them too. The ones who lost them never got any other book from me. And today I did something I had never thought I would. I donated most of my collection books. And it felt good just thinking about the fact that many people would borrow them and read them. Those who cannot afford to buy those books, or do not simply want to spend their pocket money behind books they may not like so much.

Someone told me today that for her donating books are like donating your own organs. I'm not so attached to humans too, thus I never felt any such thing for books. But I couldn't donate them till now either. Maybe the idea didn't strike me at all. I decided last evening to donate, and did it today. And it felt amazing. Like doing your bit for the society. Ah I make myself sound so awesome.

PS: The quotes mentioned in this post are written by me.

Rejection

As usual an intense discussion about one topic with different people usually results into a blogpost. I met a friend a few days ago. She is around 8 years younger than me, but understands me better than most people of my age. We can discuss about every damn thing in this world philosophically, hypothetically, seriously and whatever other ways you could think of.

We usually meet at the same place, have same food/drinks mostly and talk about various things in the same manner. It was that very place where I had encouraged her to express her feelings for the guy she liked. After letting him know, she was too embarrassed to face him the next day. The guy ignored it as if nothing had happened and she realised that he was after all a jerk who couldn't even say no on her face.

We met again last week. She told me that it was a good thing to confess to your feelings to someone you like. But most of the times we are too scared to express what we feel. Because we cannot take rejection. What's the big deal if someone rejects you? How does it change anything about you? No I am not talking about some rocket science here, merely stating the obvious. Yet, it's that obvious we ignore because we are scared of this rejection even if it doesn't really affect our life. It does affect you if you let it. If you are going to feel depressed about rejection then you very well deserve it. Feel depressed if someone says yes, for it's going to take away your freedom, you know.

I have approached guys too. And I have been rejected too. I thought it would affect me, but it didn't. I'm still friends with them. In fact we are more comfortable with each other now. Right now at this stage I do not see them as my partner anymore. That's because of some reasons like preferences and circumstances. But I don't have the regret of not even expressing what I felt. I don't have to think about - I should have told him, how he would have reacted, how we would be right now and such jazz. Somewhere I'm glad that some said no. I do not picture us together now. All of us have changed with time. One of them said no to me because he was taken aback. After a few years he confessed to me that he did like me, but my step was too bold for him to take back then. No, I am not going to call him a jerk. That would be an insult to my temporary preference.

It's just plain stupid to keep quiet because you fear rejection. It has not yet resulted into one's death. People who claim to be shy are mostly the once who fear that they will get no as an answer. What's wrong with a no? If it turns out to be a yes, then wouldn't it be the best decision of your life at least for that moment? Learn to say what you feel. Life will be better that way.

Emotionally challenged

They saw me crying. And said that I was a very emotional person. But the truth was that I was crying because that comes easily to me. Just like laughing, or yawning, or not being funny and being extremely lame. I was crying, but I was not feeling as much as I was crying. And it has always been like that. I don't remember the last time I had broken down and felt as much as I cried. That's how I'm. Or that's how I show emotions, by not feeling any and yet crying.

I don't remember when I became like this. There has been a lot of disappointments, broken dreams, delusions, heartbreaks in life over years. People have different ways of dealing with such situations. Most become too emotional, beg of people to forgive them or get back to them, try to amend things in all possible manners, or simply detach oneself from everything/everyone else. These days I fall in the last category. Or maybe I have always been there. People keep telling me that I'm pretty strong after knowing my so called life story. They say that it's not so easy to face what I have done in such a short time. I say meh in my mind. It's not as difficult as you think it was or as easy as I make it sound, but I deal with things amazingly.

The best thing is, it has taught me to appreciate and love myself. Love will be a very strong word. If you ask me whom I love right now, I will not have any answer to it. Parents - no. I really care for them, like I would care for anyone I have stayed for the last 30 years. I can do anything for them. Is that what you call love? I can live without them. I might miss them, or maybe not. Will you still call it love?

For me, it's all about the attachment level. There was a time when I was attached to a few people so much that it used to scare me. I couldn't imagine my life without them. But like everything else, even people leave you. They left, or I left - depends on who is reading this, or whatever is good to your ego - but they were no longer around. And I was fine. And I'm not the only one. Most of the people are fine even after someone they love(?) a lot leaves. They go on living even though they claimed otherwise.

Someone I know used to tell me that he is a very cold person at heart towards people who have hurt him. I could never understand this. How can you be cold towards people? How can you not feel any emotion in your heart? But now I know what he meant. Now getting over someone is as easy as deleting everything that's there - pictures, e-mails, messages.

I never wanted to be here, but like everything else, I moved on too, from me. I have no idea when did this happen. I don't think anyone is responsible for this. I'm sure some people would be cursing me, some would be missing me, some would never want to see my face and such; but I don't care. I'm happy in my space. You were there when your time was right. Or wrong. It really doesn't matter. 

Chasing dreams

Have you ever been happy without any reason? You are just in a good mood. To an extent that you feel good even when you are missing someone. All the bad things happening to you or around you don't really seem significant. All the good things feel normal. It's like reaching in a space where things are just the way they should be. Nothing else matters. You can reach there after you have found what you were looking for.

Funny thing is, what you look for keeps changing. Today you desire something, tomorrow something else. It can be a person, or a goal, or a state of mind - it can be anything. Some people call it destination, some desire, some dream, some purpose; but almost all of us live for it. Imagine how life would be without any purpose? You wake up for nothing, work for nothing, survive for nothing.

How amazing it is that we live to stay alive. Ultimately that's the purpose for the most. Some end their life when they realise that they do not have any reason or purpose to live. I think they are the bravest of all. I cannot tolerate even a small cut on myself, forget suicide. But I'm not scared of dying either.

As usual many conversations happen every day that make you introspect. At my age, when most my friends are busy changing the nappies of their children, the rest of us talk about how things have changed. How we loathe facebook feed these days because of the perfect picture friends try to create through photographs. But they are not happy. They still seek happiness in other things, one of them being sharing pictures. Of various trips, and celebrations. Moods and people they socialise with. 

I post pictures too, but I don't remember the last time I uploaded an album of a particular event. I have done that in the past. Due to peer pressure. People I travelled with used to remind me every second day whether I had uploaded the pictures or not. Whether I had tagged them or not. After uploading those pictures, first three days used to go in replying to comments of those tagged in the pictures. We discussed where, how and when we got that picture clicked. We relived those moments again. And we discussed about these comment threads when we met. 

Now everyone knows I don't upload albums. I dump all the pictures in a picasa album and share the link with those present in those pictures. They download the pictures and treat them the way they want to. Life feels better that way. Do I feel jealous of those having an awesome album life? Maybe, or maybe not. But nothing in my life changes by uploading or not uploading an album. I am happy or not happy - I know that. I don't have anything against album uploaders. They are awesome. I just cannot be as awesome.

These days I have a new addiction - Instagram. I like to share pictures there. It's a kind of picture blog for me. I don't have mind blowing clicks there, but each one has a story. Just like this blog, it's a record of events. And memories. 

I haven't changed, I realised. So many major things keep happening in life. Some life changing moments take place. But somewhere you still remain there. The same person. When you are at certain places. Like this blog. The header, the content, the flow - nothing has any relevance whatsoever. But still it feels good to write. And it reads superb to me. Just like a hit blog post. Something that looks good on this space. I'm sure it will remain that way even in the future.

Silence after the storm

There is silence after the storm too. And that's exactly what my blog is experiencing right now. Last week one post went viral on the internet. That resulted into a lot of page views, comments, followers and e-mails. Sadly this came at the wrong time, when I was really busy. Nevertheless, I did read all the comments, replied to a few mails. And like everything else, this too died down. Now the blog is back to normal. Well almost.

I'm was in Delhi last week, enjoying the summers there. It's just so hot and sunny all the time that you feel like staying outdoors. No really. After experiencing Bombay monsoon, any other season is a good season. Flight passed through the storm which was not too bad. After spending two whole days in floods kind of a situation and not so smooth flight, sunlight was a huge relief.

During my stay there, my timeline had some 'Rains in Delhi' updates. Erm, it was just drizzling, but well just like how we Bombay people exaggerate our so called winters, Delhi people talk about monsoon. One thing is there, the more I visit the city, the more I like it. Though I'm scared all the time when I step out. I prefer to roam around in cabs/car, which I wouldn't do if I'm in Bombay. I travel alone at 1 am here, which I cannot even dream of doing there. 

But still there is something about the city that makes you like it. Maybe it's the wide roads, or lush green surroundings, or probably the lack of numerous skyscrapers - it's a good city despite of having some flaws, like any other place. It's amusing how drivers drive on the wrong side of the road just to avoid taking a long ride for the next U turn and nobody bothers to stop them, how people overtake without bothering about their vehicle or life, still it accepts you like you belong there.

And yet it doesn't entirely feel home. I have plenty of friends there, but I feel lonely after a couple of days. Maybe because I'm not familiar with the city, or maybe because I don't feel secure there; it just doesn't feel like the kind of city I can live in. But it's definitely a city I can stay in after Bombay and probably Pune.

I ask this question to myself a lot of time - where do I really want to settle down? I was brought up in a small town before shifting to Bombay. I wasn't a fan of a slow small town life, but at that time I hated Bombay whenever I visited it. It was way too crowded. And noisy. Then I shifted here. All alone. And the city accepted me as if I always belonged there. It taught me its way of living, its roads and directions, its good and bad parts - everything.

I have seen and lived life here. The city knows me, but I'm yet to know it completely. It will take me lifetime to get to know it, and still it will not be enough. And I'm glad about it.

PS: As always, ignore the header.

Life and Travel

Last month was spent travelling. I explored some new places within India - the places I had never imagined to be this beautiful. And untouched. Probably that's why they were so beautiful. You are travelling on random roads. You just take an unknown turn and keep going. There is no mobile network, awesome music is playing, it drizzles on and off, you pass by small villages, see local people going about their business, they wave at you when you pass by, or just find a small hill and sit there for hours, wishing that the time would stop right there.

These places were far far away from the main city. Or even the market. There was nothing available for about 30 to 40 kms from these towns. Wonder how these people would be surviving every day, for there is nothing around them. Not even a proper mode of transport - public or otherwise. Just their huts, a few people and empty land. It looked beautiful as it's monsoon, but I doubt that it would be as pretty during other seasons too. It would be brown and dead looking. You have 2-3 huts every at the distance of every five kms. But it was still like the best the life one could expect. So simple and so peaceful.

I was almost jealous of them. Almost. It would be amazing to have such a disconnected life. Forget mobile phones, they don't even have electricity in most of the houses. You live amidst the hills, water streams (at least during monsoons) and lush green surroundings. Things you call luxuries won't be available or for that matter required there. You have to walk mile/s just to reach home from the main road - a single lane road.

After seeing such a life, and those simple faces, it takes some time to come back to your normal life and be happy. Forget the life, even those trips were priceless. You neither want the journey to end, nor want the season to change nor want to come back to this life. It's as if you are in a different world altogether. It's like being transported to some other world, and yet it's real.

I didn't want to come back to be honest, but still I had to. Now the normal life has started. The same old routine. And some major changes are waiting to take place. Or maybe nothing will change. It will just pass. Just like everything else.

Escapism

It's funny how our moods work. Silly things make us sad while huge things may not affect us at all. How we store our faith in all wrong/impossible things and then regret about those things later. Funny thing is, we knew their fate already. But still we sulk. Feel sad. Low. Down. Depressed. Happy. Relaxed. Free. Too many emotions. Too many regrets. Of the past or the present.

And the cycle goes on. How some things make us depressed or even heartless. Anyway I think I have been posting a lot of philosophical blogs. So let me not even start with another one.

In other news, Bombay is no longer hot. Monsoon is here. So is the gloomy weather, traffic, potholes and dirt. Come to think if it, I don't like a single season here. Or anywhere. Winter makes my skin too dry, I sweat like a pig during humid summers of Bombay. Monsoon is too gloomy and depressing. And a huge pain if you have to travel as public transport is not easily available.

But the best thing is that a lot of trips happen during this season. Weekends are seldom spent in Bombay. Well, these days I'm never around on weekends anyway. And this has resulted into many arguments too with people who want to ahem spend time with me. I have been away most of the times. With different set of friends each time. And it's been fun so far. Exploring new places. Meeting new people. It gives you a break from the reality. 

When I discuss it with my close friends, they say that I'm escaping from the reality. My point is, what's wrong with that? Why is escapism bad if it gives me a peace of mind? I don't care how my Monday looks like so far as my weekends are fun. I don't care if you fight with me because I didn't meet you on weekend or didn't spend time with you when you were free. 

I found a picture of a place I was at around this time last year. 

Such a blissful place it was. Someone had given me the best news and had made this trip even more memorable for me only to shatter it after I came back. I remember sitting here alone for hours, smiling to myself and lost in dreams. Some moments are never forgotten. 

But this picture has given me motivation to go for another solo trip. To yet another destination. And it will happen soon.

Happiness

It's amazing how our mind works. How our emotions work. How we react to the same situation differently at different stages. How we look at a relationship differently as time passes by. How new people enter our lives, and in no time they become an integral part of our lives. And some people who swore to be there forever suddenly disappear. Because of you, because of them or because of circumstances - but they are not there with you anymore. They leave behind a void. At times someone else fills it, at times you fill it yourself or maybe it remains like that for forever.

It's like you talk to someone everyday. About every single thing that happens in your life - happy, sad, confusing, funny, awkward - every damn thing. And one day - whoosh. The comfort is not there anymore. You are alone, completely on your own. The moment something happens the next day, you pick your phone, start typing the text and stop. You suddenly realise that you don't have anyone to text or share the news with.

Funny how you don't even remember how this dependency started. Before him or her, you were perfectly happy doing things without anyone knowing. You had a routine life, without anyone paying much attention to your existence. 

One fine day, someone comes into your life, who gives you that special attention you so far never noticed getting from anyone else. You start talking more. You start getting more attention. When you are happy, he/she shares your happiness, when you are sad, he/she makes you smile. It feels great so far as it lasts. 

We don't even realise what we do to ourselves when we store our dependency in someone. What happens to us, our feelings when our happiness changes its meaning and becomes a person instead of things or emotions? Why do we create that space that was not there earlier and that we didn't even need? Now that we have created the space, we need to fill it. With the person. It usually starts when you meet your first guy. Once he leaves, you sulk, you are sad, you feel lonely. You have nobody to share your happiness with, nobody to listen to you crib, no punching bag. If you are good looking, this phase doesn't last too long. You find someone else. Repeat the cycle. It's a loop.

But with time, you slowly realise that you need to break this loop. You need to detach happiness from a particular person. Yes, without that too, a relationship can be strong and healthy. And without relationship too, you can be happy. And like everything else, this too is easy said than done. But one has to start somewhere. Then why not now?

Very strange post I know. I had to write something. My thoughts. I have not been able to write. And that scares me. I have managed one whole post today, that's a huge deal. Hope the block doesn't last long.

Are you a guy? Tough luck bro.

I have seen so many people talking about how difficult it is for a girl to survive in a male dominating society. Well it's true to a greater extent. But that doesn't mean that we girls take the feminism flag every time and abuse guys. They have a difficult life too.

I have seen them suffer so many times just because they are, well, men. No matter what they do in a girl's presence, their intentions are doubted. Well I believe that they should be allowed to think whatever they want to, for you cannot really change that. But we girls do the same too. It's a kind of secret code and thus I won't reveal what we really think in our mind about a guy (or even a girl for that matter in spite of being perfectly straight). When a guy offers to give a lift to a girl, they say "chance maar raha hai". If he doesn't offer, then he is a jerk. Ah poor guys.

Today I was waiting for a cab to go to the class. There was one guy standing right ahead of me. We were waiting for almost 10 minutes before one empty cab finally arrived. The cab guy didn't stop in front of him, but he stopped in front of me. Asked me where I wanted to go. I saw that guy come running to the cab. I let him ask the cab guy first as that was only fair. The cabwala refused him and took me.

Last weekend, I was coming back from some place. There was a guy sitting next to me in the flight. His friends were sitting right behind us. He tried 2-3 times to talk to me, just tried, but didn't succeed as I kind of carry that intimidating look with me wherever I go. Especially when I travel as I don't like to be disturbed. And flight is the only place where I get a peaceful sleep. And I didn't want to compromise on that. It was a two hour flight. After we landed, his friends very bluntly asked him why he didn't talk to me. And I heard it. He was embarrassed. Very embarrassed. 

A friend met with an accident. She rammed her bike into a car. It was her fault entirely as she lost balance. But onlookers started abusing the guy even though he was being sweet to her and trying to help her. His good gesture was mistaken as his error and poor fellow had to listen to everyone around him. He eventually took my friend to a nearby clinic. Thankfully she was not hurt much, but it was still a good deed. He didn't even take any damages from her. Insured car maybe, but still, WTH.

And every damn time, they are expected to carry heavy bags, or open the car/restaurant door, impress the girl, be funny, can't afford to be boring even a bit, can't praise other girls, have to compliment girls moderately, do hundreds of the things to make her fall in love with them, spend money on them, earn money for everyone - phew!

Poor guys. Thank God I am not a guy. I can be as lazy as I want to be. The biggest advantage of being a girl. Really. There are hardly any guys who are really out of a girl's league. If a guy is single, and a girl is even average looking and she likes him, he will say yes to her in all probabilities. But she won't ask him. Ever. And she gets away with it. If he doesn't have guts to ask her out, someone else will. She will never run out of options, while he gets just a few options in any case. A guy's ugly is a girl's cute.

Dear feminists, please leave them alone. Really. They are mostly cute.

Ranting away

Now when I feel like blogging more regularly, I don't know what to post. Not that I lack subjects to write about, but I somehow don't feel like writing about general topics anymore. They have been written about by so many people and in so many different ways. But writing something is required because you want to write. Rants have all been already written about, so repeating same thing again and again will not help either.

Latest controversy - Sanjay Dutt's conviction. Sanjay Dutt was awarded 5 years of imprisonment for possessing and destroying illegal weapons. There have been mixed reactions about his sentence. People say that he has already suffered enough after the bomb blasts and till now. These 20 years were no less than punishment for him. He has already spent 18 months in jail and remaining sentence shall commence after he surrenders, and he has been given four weeks' time to do so.

Now former Supreme Court Judges are suggesting that he should file a petition to grant him the pardon as his conduct in the last 20 years has been pretty much civil. I remember when the bomb blast happened back in 1993 and when he was arrested, people boycotted him and swore never to watch his movies. I am yet to understand why did he take the illegal weapon from the person who was actively involved in the blasts and even tried to destroy them if he was innocent. 

Plea for granting pardon to the Governor - this right can be exercised when one feels that the court has been too harsh on him while granting him the punishment. But in Sanjay Dutt's case, court convicted him for the period prescribed in the act. Now, if everyone starts filing petition just because one is popular or has always had a good conduct, our Government's entire time will go in reviewing these petitions.

Further, isn't Supreme Court's order final and binding? Why such preferential treatment should be given just because one is a celebrity? According to me, he has committed a crime and he should pay for it. If the Government starts overruling Judiciary's decisions for such celebrities, will people be able to trust the Judiciary in future? High time that we start looking at celebrities as regular citizens so far as law and order is concerned.

I have heard many stories about 1993 bomb blasts and his alleged involvement in the same. They can be wrong stories. And since the Court did not find him guilty under any of those charges, we cannot comment anything about them. But those were some serious accusations. Had there been anyone else in his place, I don't think that person could have even seen the daylight post the blasts and till the judgment day.

But again, we are nobody to decide anything about anyone. Many people who have committed crimes are roaming around freely. Innocent people have lost their lives. Petty criminals have spent five years in jail for stealing 100 Rs. because his case date kept getting postponed, mercy petitions don't get reviewed for decades as the President has other important things to look after. Ministers are busy with the scams and people are posting awareness messages online to show that they are doing their bit even though that won't serve any purpose.

So, how was your weekend?

Comeback, Conversations and Dates

I'm back. From where? Where did I go to? Did I even go anywhere? No place that you know of. Or even I do for that matter. But somehow off late I have been feeling some kind of a disconnect from this place. To be honest, I hated this disconnect. But now I again feel like writing. And reading. I have not been reading any blogs for quite some time. Not that I didn't want to, I just didn't feel like. Especially since the time this blogger interface changed. I stopped connecting with the dashboard. I didn't feel like opening blogger.com.

But now I feel like coming back to this space. I miss blogging dearly. Every time there is a conversation about some topic, I end up saying that I have blogged about it, or I have read about this on someone's blog. There was a time when blogging was allotted specific hours each day. It was a kind of ritual. I bet it is still for some of you. 

Whenever an interesting conversation takes place, I decide to blog about it. But it doesn't materialise. Reasons are few, excuses are plenty. A few days ago my friend asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I work, I earn and I spend. There is no goal as such set for the future. But is it even required? We spoke about my so called future plans. She seemed satisfied with my answer and since then has not nagged me for building up some savings.

Another discussion happened with another friend. It was about remembering dates. I am good at remembering dates I want to remember. Rather, I remember dates associated with people I love. Thus if I love you, I will remember all the dates associated with you - your birthday, when did we meet, when did a particular important incident happened with us etc. I even remember the dates which are important to that person. It sounds too scary to even me. And thus I never tell this to anyone that I remember this date when we did this. It doesn't really matter to me. On that day, it wouldn't even click me that it's an important day. But when I think of an incident, I remember it with a date if it's important enough. Phew! I am complicated. Not much, but a bit. And it's good. Too much of simplicity gets boring. 

In other news, yesterday was blog's birthday. I remembered it, but I was working, thus couldn't find any time to post anything. Earlier, I used to write one whole post on such things. Now I laugh at myself for doing so. But earlier, blogging happened regularly. When I used to go on a vacation, I used to set a date and time and put a post on auto publish mode so that my blog is not neglected in my absence. And now I don't even open it regularly. But I still manage to write something. I still enter some entry here however lame it might be. And I will continue doing so.

PS: Ignore the header.

About happiness

I always knew I would enjoy travelling alone, but what I didn't know was that it was addictive. I visited Udaipur recently. I was there for a family wedding. My whole khandan was travelling with me. Rajasthan was always there on my list of places I wanted to travel alone. And it kind of happened that way. Family people had already seen Udaipur and places around the city, thus it was just me who was left, and I was glad for that.

While travelling around the city, and outside too, while sitting alone in the car, while looking at the endless empty road ahead of you, while seeing the deers and leopards passing by, while watching monkeys to prepare to attack on any food they spot with you, while looking at children playing in the villages you pass by - you are searching for yourself everywhere. You are trying to fit in there. You wonder where you belong, what do you want, why are you doing what you are doing right now.

And I realise that things that make me happy and things I think that make me happy are different. Things, people who really make you happy never let you down. No, it's not about fulfilling fancy expectations, but it's about understanding you and your requirements, it's about accommodating you too in their small space, it's about accepting you as a part of them. There are no excuses and conditions. That's why happiness can easily be fulfilled when they depend on things and not people.

I felt happy when I was travelling on those endless roads. I felt connected to myself then. I didn't want the journey to end. But like every other good thing, that ended too, but for time being. Will I value it as much if I get it all the time and whenever I want it? I doubt I will. It has to be earned.

I feel happy when I write. It can be about any mundane topic, it can be extremely lame or smart, funny or philosophical. I can write something every single day. Here, on this space. This feels like home now. It's been my home for four years. It has me. It has a soul, just like mine. It has given me hope, happiness, heartbreak, dreams, love and hatred. It's just like life, created by me, with my words, and people.

This post was supposed to be a kind of travelogue, but it ended up somewhere else. I am anyway not too fond of travelogues. Or maybe I am. I have never really given it a thought. What makes you happy? Do you know it already or you are yet to find out? For me, I think I have found one of the things that makes me happy. But there is still a long way to go. Rather, many miles to go. I will sign off with my favourite picture. It was taken recently in Kumbhalgarh, Rajasthan.

Neglected and lost

This image above - this is how my blog must be feeling right now - neglected, almost forgotten, lying below a thick layer of dust, weeping. I haven't seen the dashboard in ages. I haven't visited any blog in a long time. I don't even remember what I wanted to write about when something really touched me. This was not the case earlier. Back then, I remembered everything too well. I used to create a blog post in my mind while travelling, reading or even working. It used to give me a kick when I met someone interesting and he had a lot to offer that could make a brilliant blog post.

And now, today, I have to think before writing anything. Not that I don't have any subject left. But there is no motivation to blog. I love to write here, about any damn thing, without thinking or expecting any comments, opinions or views about the post. I love comments. It feels good when people read you and leave a comment behind. But since I have been so irregular here, I do not expect people to read me regularly.

Apart from being busy, I have been in a very "sorting out everything" mood. This includes from small things like books and mail accounts to big things like work and finances. I have never been a kind of person who will have fancy savings. There was a time when I had a good enough bank balance. But not anymore. I invest some money if I feel like, or just spend them. I get a lot of gyaan as to how I am simply wasting my life. But buying a fancy watch makes me happier than having some security in my bank account. I would rather take my mom out for shopping than buy some shares regularly. Yes, foolish. I know. But I had good enough savings. Enough to survive for 2-3 years easily. But I lost it overnight. Had I spent that, then probably I wouldn't be thinking about that even today.

To each one's own when it comes to savings and spending. Neither will take you anywhere. Or it might just take you somewhere, who cares. Life is all about living. Go live it the way you want to, for you might not be alive to see what happens tomorrow.

Enough of ranting for now. I am soon going to write about my experience at Wagah border. But when I am in mood and I have some time. Until then, nothing!

Image Courtesy: http://coleenpatrick.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/coleen-patrick-dusty-book.jpg

The girl anonymous

16th December was a very sad and shameful day for our country.  One girl was gang-raped by 6 men and thrown out of the running bus. I tried to write the details and the state of her when she was thrown out, but couldn't. Most of the people know her story anyway. She has been given many names - Nirbhaya, Amaanat, Daamini - but she will always be remembered for whatever she went through in those fourteen days that she was alive. She will always remain anonymous, yet the most popular person.

Three days before her death she was shifted to a hospital in Singapore for organ transplant. Her intestines were beyond repair and her liver was damaged too. When they moved her to Singapore, she was brain dead already. She finally breathed her last on the 29th early morning.

So many questions are still haunting me about this whole incident. First one - why was she taken to Singapore of all the places? Yes, that was the closest and European countries would have taken a lot of time to reach. But why transfer her at all. And if her transfer was necessary due to lack of facilities in our capital city, then why didn't they think of Mumbai? What I have known is that people from UK and US come to Mumbai for major surgeries including organ transplant, for it's cheaper and equally good.

Medically, a brain dead person IS dead. Was this just a diversion tactic to move her away from Delhi so that they could declare her dead? I am sure the Government would be expecting riots if she were still in Delhi. Why Singapore? Until recently, I didn't even know that it was popular for organ transplant surgeries.

Post her death, there have been many rallies - peace rallies. She was not the first victim of rape, and she has not been the last one too. After her, a few more incidences of gang rape have come out. People are trying many things to prevent this. They have been suggesting various things like ban republic day celebration, don't celebrate new year (don't know how many actually wasted their new year party pass worth a few thousands), declare a bandh and what not. And such an attitude surprised me.

It was indeed a very sad incident. But what I don't understand is - does banning/not celebrating a particular day change anything? Can't we fight things with a smiling face? Can't we continue doing things we like as well as do our bit to make things better? Being happy doesn't mean you are not sensitive towards things. Taking away someone's right to celebrate is not the solution. one MLA is talking about naming a flyover in her name, one politician is talking about awarding her an Ashok Chakra. Did she fight for the nation? No. Was she in Military? No. Then why Ashok Chakra? And why only her? So many girls die after being raped, but just because things don't come in the limelight, we will conveniently ignore them? And if mourning is the ideal thing to do during such times, then the country will mourn every single day!

The solution is not in banning a day, or declaring a bandh. First thing - strict laws and speedy trials. Why do we take ages to finish one case? And why does the culprit get up to 10 years of imprisonment only? The solution lies in educating people, spreading awareness. Most of the rapists don't even have access to newspapers/televisions. All they must be getting to know is - this girl died and the culprits are famous. It's enough for them to commit a similar crime. All of us have to be a bit alert. Notice people around you. If you find anything unusual about them, report it. If there is an incident of eve-teasing, go file a complaint. Your one step can save one or more lives, including that of yours. Each and every person has to prepare oneself to fight this. There is some hope then.

Again, by this post, I am not saying no to mourning or feeling sad. Everyone is sad. But sadness won't be reduced by curbing happiness. We all need to be happy. We all need some reason to celebrate. And that never becomes a barrier in the good deeds we intend to do.

Yes, she suffered a lot, something unimaginable. It was too cruel and nobody deserved such a painful death. The most important thing she did was that she managed to awake this nation, and united everyone for one cause. Fight for it, but don't limit it to one girl who lost her life. Make her your motivation and fight for safety. Abide by laws first. Say no to tinted windows and glasses. This law is there for a reason. Follow it. Respect women. It doesn't cost anything. If your friend calls a girl who is passing by "maal", tell him to learn to respect women. Do such things than outraging about celebrations.

Help out NGOs. Talk to victims. They need care and attention. Go attend peace rallies, but if you can invest that time in helping some victim or educating someone, it will be better than attending the rallies and peace marches.

A couple of months ago, Haryana Khap leader said that food like chow mein causes rapes. Two days ago, Yo Yo Honey Singh's song became a huge issue as its lyrics were offensive and the Government thought that it caused rape. The song was not even popular until then. The Government declared that they will give fifteen lacs to the Delhi rape victim. Her parents want a law to be named after her, and not flyover, in her honour. 

Yes we live in this country. And we have such leaders. I have not mentioned anything about our media. That's another story altogether. Another post, or two or more.